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Lonely

I am lonely. And through my inability to get some fears out of my head, I feel like I will always be lonely. And while some loneliness is not something I fear, I fear the most to be lonely, without having someone to comfort me. And while I get that it's up to me, I can't do it. I can't. I wish somebody would put her arms around me and say it will be ok. Save me from my fears and doubts. Save me from my demons. Save me from myself. I can't save myself. And I recognize that I need somebody, but that somebody is always somebody's else. And I feel there's no one out there for me. I fear this loneliness. This darkness that's coming to surround me. I don't fear being without friends. I have all the friends I need right now. I fear never having somebody to drive the demons away... Sometimes it feels like you took a knife Edgy and dull And cut a six inch valley Through the middle of my soul
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Forget

I forget. And it's so easy. I forget that some of the smallest sources of pleasure come from inside me. The things that I love doing, over and over again. Going to the gym, listening to Pink Floyd. Indulging in a pizza with extra cheese... The feeling of a job well done. These things I forget they bring me pleasure. They bring a smile on my face. They quiet the demons. I forget that I do not have to look to others for confirmation that I am OK. I forget that the demons in my head that scream I am not worthy of friends, of love can be quieted by me. With help, from time to time, but I have to face them. And I do, but sometimes I do it too late and they get too powerful. It's so easy to let go. It's so easy to stop fighting. But the key to winning every battle is to face these demons head on. Never let them get too powerful. But I forget that. I forget a lot of things... Being bipolar is not easy. But it can be easier.
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